In the midst of the 2018 NBA Finals between the Golden State and the Cleveland Cavaliers, the free-agency of LeBron James looms large over the outcome of this series.
Technically, James isn’t a free agent yet this summer, but he is expected to opt out of his current deal with the Cavs to become one. Where he’s headed is still a mystery, as even James isn’t sure where he’s going yet.
Now, what if James actually took every team in the NBA into consideration? What would be his reasons for doing so?
This was inspired by a post from Redditor samtaylor92, who posted the question “Why LeBron would sign with every NBA team” before providing hilarious answers for each.
I wanted to add to that, so let’s see if we can add some fun to James’ free agency, shall we?
All quotes are strictly fictional to play out these ridiculous scenarios
30. Atlanta Hawks
LeBron wants to be in the next set of Marvel movies. He is, after all, the Black Panther of the NBA, so he should want to have a role, no matter how small, in the still untitled fourth Avengers film. James signs with the Atlanta Hawks so he can be near Marvel Studios’ favorite shooting location.
Marvel started filming the next installment to the Avengers franchise in August of 2017 at Pinewood Atlanta Studios in Fayette County, GA. It was filmed back-to-back with Avengers: Infinity War. Though they already finished filming last January, there should be reshoots and James could be part of the fun.
And who says he’s going to stop with just Avengers 4?
29. Boston Celtics
There’s only one player who Kyrie Irving doesn't want on his team, and it’s LeBron. But, the Cavaliers forward just wants to win, and he wants to play for a great coach like Brad Stevens.
Young bu talented swingmen like Jaylen Brown and Jayson Tatum can help relieve the King when he’s tired. He can take a breather early in the first quarter and half of the fourth, averaging the least amount of minutes per game in his career for seasons to come.
As for Irving, James says he didn’t want his point guard traded anyway. So, rather than Irving going back to Cleveland, the King has decided to take his talents to Boston where they can live happily ever after and win championships together for the rest of their careers.
28. Brooklyn Nets
The Brooklyn Nets have endured a lot of failure in the NBA since they came from the merger with the ABA. They gave up Julius Erving to the Sixers, and that has haunted them to this day.
“Don’t worry,” James says as he recognizes the sad plight of the Nets. “I’ll help bring you a championship.”
LeBron signs with the Nets, but after only one year, realizes that even he can’t reverse the franchise’s misfortunes, calling the team “cursed.” He reaches out to Cavs GM Koby Altman and asks that he trade all future first-round draft picks to Brooklyn just to get him out of there.
27. Charlotte Hornets
Everyone knows that James idolizes Michael Jordan. That’s why he wore number 23 in high school and why he continues to wear it in the NBA. But, he knows that MJ has been a lousy executive and has nothing to show for his time in the front office in terms of his team's on-court play.
James signs with the Charlotte Hornets for the minimum so that Jordan can sign other free agents who can help him win titles. Other players such as Kevin Durant, Chris Paul, Paul George, and DeMarcus Cousins feel bad for MJ, too. They follow LeBron’s lead and all sign for the veteran’s minimum as well.
Jordan doesn’t want James to have more championships than him so he sells his shares and plays for the Hornets, averaging 36 minutes per game.
The Hornets go on to win the next seven championships until James retires. Jordan retires once again and he still has more rings than James. MJ goes back to his position as majority owner, content with the fact that he still has more rings than LeBron and Kobe Bryant.
26. Chicago Bulls
LeBron has had enough of the Jordan comparisons, so he decides to shut up the naysayers. He wants to prove to everyone that he can win a championship and forge his own legacy in MJ’s old stomping grounds.
James invites his good friends George and Cousins to join him in Chicago. He ties Jordan with six championships before Bulls management cuts him from the team, saying that they don’t want LeBron winning more titles than Jordan.
25. Cleveland Cavaliers
Home sweet home.
“I’m home and this is where I’m going to stay,” James tells the city of Cleveland.
The 2018-19 season ends up being the same as last season, with the Cavs going through all sorts of drama before they flip the switch once again in the playoffs. LeBron carries the team to the Finals for the fifth consecutive season where they meet a familiar foe—the Golden State Warriors.
The Cavs vs. Warriors Finals series goes on for the next five seasons and a total of 10 consecutive matches overall. Each team wins five championships as they alternate taking the Larry O’Brien trophy from one another.
Fans of other teams lament the lack of competitiveness and tune out during the Finals, saying that the NBA is scripted. The league loses money and collapses, resulting in only 15 teams remaining at the start of the 2024-2025 season.
24. Dallas Mavericks
The Dallas Mavericks took a championship from LeBron in 2011, but he wants to show the fans that he’s a good sport and doesn't hold any hard feelings.
As he told reporters in the series vs. the Toronto Raptors, Dwane Casey (the Mavs assistant coach responsible for their defense back then) made him into the player that he is today. He gives the Mavs a championship just to show his appreciation.
23. Denver Nuggets
There are few European players who play a complete game like Nikola Jokic, and James sees his potential.
He signs with the Denver Nuggets just so he can mentor Jokic on how to play exactly like him. Jokic becomes the European LeBron. Just as Kobe Bryant copied Jordan from the talk to the walk, Jokic does the same.
22. Detroit Pistons
LeBron remembers how the Detroit Pistons were his first big hurdle as he ascended as a superstar. James signs with them so he present the same challenge to Ben Simmons, who the King wants to become the Next LeBron.
James’ competitive nature gets the best of him as he proceeds to eliminate Simmons and the Philadelphia 76ers from the playoffs for the next five years. Simmons retires from basketball at the young age of 26 out of frustration.
21. Golden State Warriors
James started the players’ movement; that is, superstars moving to other teams to join forces with other studs and win championships. So, why not take it to the next level by going to the super team of all super teams, the Golden State Warriors?
He wants more rings to pass Jordan’s total of six. James wins three straight championships but then retires as he gets bored from winning 82 games every year in addition to going undefeated through the postseason.
20. Houston Rockets
LeBron wants to help his friend, Chris Paul, win a championship. Same with Carmelo Anthony. James and Anthony sign with the Rockets and convince Dwyane Wade to join them so that the Banana Boat buddies can win titles together.
But, Carmelo keeps sabotaging their chances by shooting ill-advised shots. They lose in the Finals to the Celtics and the friends fight over what went wrong, bringing their friendship and partnership to an end.
19. Indiana Pacers
Playing against Lance Stephenson every year has become a chore for LeBron, so he decides to sign with the Indiana Pacers. The Pacers don’t make it to the Finals anymore after they decimated their roster to make room for the 4-time MVP.
“I know I haven’t made it to the Finals for some time now, but at least Lance and I are friends,” James says.
18. L.A. Clippers
LeBron loves the Hollywood life but wants to live it without signing with the Lakers. Bryant was a rival for him before, and James still sees him as a rival now.
Signing with the L.A. Clippers is his way of showing up Bryant as he proceeds to trash talk and humiliate the Lakers’ young players for years to come.
17. Los Angeles Lakers
Magic Johnson wants James to play for the Los Angeles Lakers, promising the former Cavs’ superstar that he’ll give him a share of his ownership stake upon retirement. LeBron gets excited about that prospect, so instead of playing for the Lakers, he retires immediately and becomes majority owner.
When Magic’s move backfires on him, the front office convinces him to sell his shares and play for the Lakers instead at the age of 58.
16. Memphis Grizzlies
LeBron wants to prove that he can win a championship with any team. He signs with the Memphis Grizzlies for the veteran’s minimum to prove his point. After five years without a ring, James loses touch with reality and seeks psychiatric help.
“I want another ring. I want another ring,” James keeps mumbling to his doctor as these are the only words he can say.
15. Miami Heat
South Beach is still LeBron’s second home. He misses the warm and sunny atmosphere and decides to sign with the Miami Heat. Pat Riley, wanting to prove that he can still coach, fires Erik Spoelstra and coaches James like a madman in the coming season.
He clearly still has issues from when LeBron left the last time, always bringing it up in the huddle in crucial situations. The two go to counseling together and leave the team to fix their relationship.
14. Milwaukee Bucks
LeBron wants to get to know the Greek community better to expand his brand. He signs with the Milwaukee Bucks and befriends Giannis Antetokounmpo, the Greek Freak. Upon instructions from James, Nike includes new colorways that reflect the Greek flag.
They become hot sellers in Greece and LeBron becomes known as the Greek Sneak. He loves the idea as long as it sells more shoes.
13. Minnesota Timberwolves
After much thought, LeBron remembers how he drove Andrew Wiggins out by wanting the Cavs to trade him for Kevin Love. Seeking to do right by the young player, James goes to the Minnesota Timberwolves to become his mentor.
But, he can’t win a championship with Wiggins so he tells management to trade Wiggins to the Cavs in exchange for Love…again.
12. New Orleans Pelicans
Anthony Davis, Jrue Holiday, Nikola Mirotic, and Rajon Rondo tour LeBron around the Smoothie King Center and convince him to become a part of their endorsement opportunity.
During the season, they become known as the Smoothie King 5 and make commercials endorsing smoothies. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services gets plenty of calls. They tell LeBron and company to stop endorsing these products as these smoothies (far from just fruit) have become the number one cause of obesity in children.
11. New York Knicks
No one loves playing in Madison Square Garden more than LeBron. He signs with the New York Knicks, but not to win championships. He moonlights as a Broadway actor for a musical based on his career as an NBA player. The show becomes a big hit and James becomes a full-time actor, never to be seen again on the hardwood.
10. Oklahoma City Thunder
Wanting to prove that he can average a triple-double like Russell Westbrook, James goes to the Oklahoma City Thunder.
Westbrook and James become the first players to average a triple-double each on the same team. But, the Thunder end up with a losing record, as nearly no one else touches the ball during the season with the two passing to each other only to assure themselves of assists.
9. Orlando Magic
The Orlando Magic want to go back to the Finals, and they sign James to a multi-year contract to make it happen. He also wants to take his kids to Disney World every weekend and to meet Mickey Mouse. But, James only signed with them on the condition that they will select his son in the NBA Draft in six years when Bronnie becomes eligible.
At 39 years old, LeBron plays with Bronnie on the Magic to become the first father-and-son duo to play in the league.
8. Philadelphia 76ers
James and Simmons finally play together on the same squad as the former Cavs forward signs with the Philadelphia 76ers just to mentor the 6-foot-11 point guard. But, LeBron becomes too possessive with his protégé and he ends up acting like a manager and stepfather.
He joins Simmons wherever he goes, and they appear in commercials together. “I’m just protecting him,” says James. Soon, Simmons looks exactly like James, too, receding hairline included.
7. Phoenix Suns
James wants to show up Charles Barkley, the former Phoenix Suns star who is now a television analyst for TNT.
He signs with the Suns to prove that he’s better than Barkley gives him credit for. After winning a championship in Phoenix, LeBron retires to become an analyst for TNT to also prove that he’s a better analyst than Chuck. He bumps off Barkley from “Inside the NBA” with Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith, and Shaquille O’Neal, leaving Chuck to instead call games in LaVar Ball's league.
6. Portland Trail Blazers
Nike buys the Portland Trail Blazers and James signs with the team to consolidate his empire. The Blazers are renamed the Portland Nike Soldiers, signing only those players who have shoe contracts with them, such as Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving, Paul George, and Giannis Antetokounmpo.
Jordan counters by renaming the Charlotte Hornets the Charlotte Jordans, signing only Jordan Brand endorsers like Chris Paul, Russell Westbrook, Carmelo Anthony, Jimmy Butler, LaMarcus Aldridge, and Kawhi Leonard. They face-off in the next 12 Finals.
5. Sacramento Kings
What team does the King really fit into? The Sacramento Kings! Where else?
James decides that he should have played for the Kings years ago and rectifies that mistake by joining the franchise. He renames the Golden 1 Center The Kingdom to keep up with his moniker. All seats inside The Kingdom are redesigned to look like thrones, sponsored by George R.R. Martin.
4. San Antonio Spurs
LeBron has respected Gregg Popovich for so long, and now, as a free agent, he decides to play for the San Antonio Spurs. Pop becomes the father he never had and asks the coach to adopt him. The two become father and son as James moves his family to Texas where they live under one roof.
After winning his fourth championship, James says, “This is for Papa.”
Awww…
3. Toronto Raptors
The Toronto Raptors threaten to leave Canada after yet another postseason exit at the hands of the King. To keep that from happening, the league tells James to sign with Toronto, and he obliges on one condition—they have to trade everyone on their roster to Cleveland.
So, the entire Raptors team gets traded for the entire Cavs team. Poor Kyle Lowry and DeMar DeRozan. The Cavs lose to the Raptors in the playoffs every year until James’ retirement.
2. Utah Jazz
James knows that the Utah Jazz were denied a championship during Jordan’s years. He signs with them out of pity to help them win finally capture that elusive title.
He gets John Stockton and Karl Malone to come out of retirement just so they can earn championship rings, even though they never come off the bench the whole year. But, LeBron gets injured in the Finals, denying Stockton and Malone a title once again.
Sorry, guys.
1. Washington Wizards
LeBron loves charity work and wants to help others, so he signs with the Washington Wizards where he can play near the White House because that’s where he plans to be when his career is over.
Whenever reporters ask him questions about the game, James ends up talking about his political platform as he runs for president of the United States in 2020. He wins the election and retires from basketball. Eastern Conference teams gather at the league office to celebrate.
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