LeBron James Emails Raptors On How To Hire New Coach [Parody]
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LeBron James Emails Raptors On How To Hire New Coach

LeBron James, The Choke

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TORONTO, ON — After another embarrassing defeat at the hands of LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Toronto Raptors decided to fire NBCA Coach of the Year Dwane Casey. The King is now 12-2 against the franchise in the playoffs, sweeping them in each of the last two seasons.

In conjunction with the Casey firing, James received a special advisor role with Toronto on Friday. Team officials cited LeBron spending an entire quarter practicing high-arching fadeaways just for the heck of it and another instructing the Raptors on how to run their own plays as admirable qualities they seek in a leader. They were also impressed by his giving attitude when he said “margaritas on me” to Drake upon taking a 3-0 series lead.

“LeBron James has demonstrated a greater understanding of Raptors basketball than any individual within the organization itself,” said Tim Leiweke, CEO of Maple Leaf Sports Network. “His altruism in helping our players execute sets properly says a lot about his character.”

LeBron has quickly assimilated to his new responsibilities, sending a detailed email memo instructing the Raptors’ front office on how to find their next head coach. Toronto believes James’ previous experience coaching the Cavs over the last four years and the Heat the four years before will help them pin down the perfect candidate for the vacancy.

“The Toronto Raptors have provided me with nothing but great memories over the years, and I just felt it was time to start giving back,” James told The Choke. “I’ve always put an emphasis on entertaining this great fanbase with highlight reel dunks and shots that they’d never see otherwise from their own sorry players, but I wanted to do more to say thanks.”

Sources tell The Choke that LeBron’s initial forecast model projects that the new coach he helps the Raptors hire will at least elevate the franchise to one win against James in next year’s playoffs, but the findings are not yet conclusive.