Since Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey has somehow gone from an ironic hate-watch to a bona fide hit franchise with a sequel currently in theaters, another in the works, and an MCU, Avengers-style cinematic universe in development as well, it seems as though the beloved children's character turned trashy horror film is poised to be the next definitive film genre.
Jagged Edge Productions, the powerhouse horror studio behind Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, has already claimed many classic kids' characters for its Poohniverse, or Twisted Childhood Universe — such as Bambi, Tinkerbell, Pinocchio, Peter Pan, Tigger, Piglet, The Mad Hatter and Sleeping Beauty.
But there are still many other revered childhood staples ready for their anti-Disney, dream-haunting adaptation close-up worthy of careful consideration if we just use our most sadistic imaginations.
What childhood characters deserve to be re-imagined as horror movies a la Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey?
Cinderhella
How did Jagged Edge not already think of this one? Just cut and paste a few key words in the title to turn Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey into Cinderhella: Blood and Pumpkins. Imagine a princess who loses not just her glass slipper but a severed foot to go with it, and has to hide the missing appendage from her evil stepmother until the Prince shows up to win her heart by taking down her evil step family with her own infamous sharp as daggers glass slipper? A blood-thirsty fairy godmother on the poster with the tagline “Bippity boppity boo!” seems only fitting, and the rest of the scream-play practically writes itself.
Little Undead Riding Hood
Granted, the source material of Little Red Riding Hood is already pretty creepy on its own, with the grandma eating, and a wolf waiting in bed to devour a child, and whatnot, so it's really just a hop-skip away to turn this one into a horror movie. I'd suggest the wolf accomplish his mission of devouring Little Red Riding Hood in this version, only to unleash something far scarier — an undead zombified Little Red who goes around seeking vengeance against the beast.
Furious George
Go back and read the original Curious George by married couple H. A. Rey and Margret Rey. It's disturbing. The Man in the Yellow Hat kidnaps George in a burlap sack and takes him out of his natural habitat to live in a New York zoo. It all ends up ok for the odd couple — the two become fast friends and George's amusing adventures never escalate beyond the level of mischievousness. But what if George hadn't accepted his fate quite as good-naturedly? What if his savage kidnapping by The Man in the Yellow Hat — whose name sounds like central casting for a horror movie villain — gave birth to a murderous rage in the monkey instead?! One which could only be satiated by a killing spree with the help of his deadly banana boomerang — wait, no, banana-rang! What Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey did for the pooh bear's favorite snack, Furious George is sure to do for the monkey's potassium-rich fave fruit!
The Very Hangry Caterpillar
The good people at Snickers have already taught us that we're not ourselves when we're angry. Hanger is a very real phenomenon and in the wrong hands it could certainly prove deadly. The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught us about numbers, colors, fruit, and the fun of hole-punching paper — but what if the lessons imparted were a bit more sinister? Who knows what Eric Carle's beloved educational critter might have gotten up to if the foods he craved proved infuriatingly elusive? Might he have snapped and turned into a worthy foe of The Human Centipede? Maybe, maybe not — but if that's not a winning pitch for the next great B-movie horror concept from the studio that brought you Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, I don't know what is!
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey may not be award-winning cinema, but it has ushered in a new genre of horror movie making. If filmmakers don't want to get left in the dust, they'd be wise to snap up the rights to these childhood classics and turn them into adult nightmares as soon as inhumanly possible.
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