Of course Bill Self would be chill with an asterisk riddled national championship banner hanging from Allen Fieldhouse. After all, the world is going to hell in a handbag. It only makes sense.

“This would be the one year I would be in favor of it [the championship being awarded via the AP Poll] without question,” Self said on a teleconference with reporters.

Obviously, he's joking. Maybe.

No. For real. Self is… but is he truly?

“I'm very proud of how my team for the most part all season long but specifically the last two months of the season we were terrific,” Self said. “They operated under pressure. I would think from our standpoint, that would be great [to be awarded a national championship]. But even if that occurred, which I don't think it will, but there would be a huge asterisk on both sides of it.”

Bluh. Bluh. Bluh.

Who cares about what Bill Self has to say about this. Joking or not, filled with bias or an unbridled passion for ballot casters, this is a rumored choke artist. Bomani Jones told me so on the mean streets of Twitter. Well, not me directly. But guess what, pal? He follows me on Twitter.

Take that, 11th grade Trig teacher, even though I forgot your name. You said I'd never amount to anything. You were wrong?

Bill Self is a man who has a reputation for taking wickedly talented teams, staring March right in the eyeball, then falling off the side of Kyrie Irving's flat Earth.

What's actually interesting about this is THE SANCTITY OF OUR BELOVED NCAA TOURNAMENT. Also, how disturbingly seriously everyone took this idea, running it into the ground like there would be a cure for cabin fever a few feet below the surface.

To be fair to members of the human species, a college basketball loving nation is on Day eleventy-billion (or so) of a quarantine. The world isn't so much burning down around us as much as it is being filled with poison from great evils with tremendous power meant to oversee our daily welfare.

Also, there's the coronavirus and COVID-19.

Unable to trust the NCAA to not use the pandemic to slow roll NIL issues; putting aside companies and humans grossly using a pandemic as a way to fill their heartless piggy banks; allowing ourselves to remove the idea of a giant orange person telling us about floating hospitals in the ocean…

What is this column about again?

College basketball and fake NCAA Tournament champs.

Or is it national champions named by way of a few decomposing corpses voting in a poll?

Aside: I kid! There are great college basketball minds voting in the AP Poll. Unsolicited Twitter must-follow? Jesse Newell! I mean this. Jesse is the gold standard.

Maybe it's about Bill Self reminiscing about that time he explicitly told Snoop Dogg to bring strippers to midnight madness. I remember this blog post having something to do with Self; though he never did tell Snoop to bring lady dancers to a family affair himself.

At least, now that we know of.

Anywho, college basketball is over. The NCAA did everything in its cold, dead, greedy-AF power to keep the Big Dance from being shuttered like a Blockbuster in 2010, but the governing body of college sports accomplished the only feat it's sincerely great at — it failed.


No. No yay, friends. This isn't a time for celebration.

The NCAA failed because of a novel virus (not to be confused with a novel by Rutgers college basketball writer Dave White). Sure, Marky Mark Emmert and the NCAA Funkybunch preferred to ignore all data until it slapped them in the face with the fury of 1,000 Nic Cage movies, but this tricky bug is attacking people with more vengeance than Bruce Willis in a Die Hard flick.

Pop culture references equals groovy college basketblogger. Sorry. Those are basketblogging rules 101.

Let's digress…

The real college basketball national champions shouldn't be decided by voters or simulations or by who has the best set of hair in all of shooty hoops. Instead, Bill Self, along with the entire nation, all need to realize a hard truth: It's not about winning the NCAA Tournament or being declared national champs. Rather, it's about the friends we made along the way.

(Looks over at a few Fox Sports blowhards — who are NOT medical professionals or scientists or smart — who are STILL somehow claiming we're overreacting to a novel virus)

Never mind. There's no friends to be found here.

Congrats, Bill Self. You and the Kansas Jayhawks are our 2020 NCAA Tournament/AP Poll/Best Hair/Unpaid Laborer National Champions.

God bless the Queen.

Joseph writes stuff. Sometimes well. Often times not. He bats below the Mendoza Line. Follow him on Twitter @JosephNardone and/or bookmark his ClutchPoints author page so the good stuff gets injected right in your veins like the drugs all your friends like!