Three people walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Please don't tell this joke in 2019 or you'll be cancelled.” Dave Chappelle then does stand-up for 30 minutes.

Dinosaurs walked on this planet. Does this not boggle anyone else's mind? Years and years ago, I'm not too sure when because I'm too lazy to use Google, giant beasts trotted about Earth like we do today. They didn't muck up Mother Nature like we're currently doing, but were inevitably wiped out by an apparently random thing falling from the sky with the force of 1,000 Rambo movies.

My mind doesn't wander into strange conspiracy ideas. I do believe dinosaurs existed. The conspiracy net needed to be cast to conjure such a thing would be immeasurably wide. Every scientist, archaeologists, whoever else saw a dino-bone, would all be in on it. We're talking thousands upon thousands of people to create a bunch of fictional species for the sake of pretty much nothing.

When a child, I went to parochial school. Asking questions opposing biblical sentiments were rarely welcomed. Dare say, they were frowned upon. Getting to ask Sister Ann Margret if god created dinosaurs was never something I had the courage to ask. Other questions I failed to ask, but wanted to at the time, involved aliens, ghosts, if ants go to heaven or hell, and the like.

Very random, too personal aside: Until I went to public school the following year, I had a relatively bad stutter and lisp. Unaware of normal practices at the time, and maybe it was, they treated me as if there was something mentally wrong with me. I was put in a few ‘special classes' with other students who had larger issues. Some were like me, with small things like a stutter or a general shyness to them, with others having what I now assume to be actual learning disabilities. We were all roped into one class together for a short period of time because reasons.

While my questions were limited due to fear, my curiosity about the Easter Bunny Rabbit couldn't be burdened by presumptions on if a nun would yell at me for having a bold theory. In second grade, I openly theorized in class the Easter Bunny Rabbit is actually the world's most famous carpenter making his annual return from the beyond to give the youths candy.

The story ends there, as my memory recall isn't great. I can't remember how the nun overseeing my class reacted, nevertheless the students around me. Under the assumption everyone else who was six — or however old you are in second grade — forgot about this theory, I plan on passing it down to my daughters.

It's a very simple theory. Easter is celebrated on the anniversary of Jesus hurling a boulder out of his way while escaping his grave after death, then a giant human-like bunny breaks into our houses to give us chocolate? Too coincidental, in my opinion.

Anywho, Easter was never as fun as Christmas as a child because the former lacked the latter's ability to force Mom and Dad Santa to give my sisters and I gifts they couldn't afford could barely build.

Was there supposed to be a spoiler alert warning above? If not, let's try this again.

Kids, the holidays are probably rooted in something with swell intentions, but at some point Big Hallmark put a stranglehold on these religious dillies, then decided to make our parents go broke.

Shit. Failed again.

Let me note something here, as I'll likely get bombarded with folks assuming I'm anti-religious people. I'm not. I'm envious of your (blind) faith. To believe, with your full heart, that you'll be going to a “better place” when you die has to lift such a weight off one's shoulders.

The figurative hell if this dope knows what happens after getting hit by a flower pot falling from a hovercraft board run rampant. I hope there's a heaven and room for me in it. I hope there's a hell, too, with the elite-level JerkyMcJerksters in it.

Still, hope isn't belief, and I'm instead filled with a constant, so god damn constant, panic that there's nothing or worse.

Please don't let me die soon. Not until science or an alien provides me with the inside scoop on what happens next.

Despite everything you read above, please follow me on Twitter, like us on Facebook (and the other FB) and the other Twitter, so my kids can eat warm food like twice a week or so. The first episode was better, I know.

Crowd sourced non-content incoming!

A total waste of time? Nope. If nothing else, it helped those who lived under a rock to understand coaches, shoe companies and other peoples are more than willing to give players money in return for services.

Furthermore, for those who have long been virtue signal calling for the protection of amateurism, since “players being compensated for work will ruin my entertainment” or whatever, is proven to be bologna. Those people still enjoyed the college shooty hoops even while the labor happened to be paid — they just didn't know it.

The other fallout here is how actual people faced possible real jail time over this. They, and their families, probably don't consider any of this a waste of time. Not in the way we view it.

However, without any name-brand coaches (yet, ever?) going down for this, and every blue-blood program traversing the sport freely, the general sentiment here of this not mattering rings true. Mostly because the virtue signal callers will ignore all the evidence, then claim a few evil eggs.

Too bad these eggs, sour or otherwise, fail to be dinosaur eggs. Imagine watching {insert your favorite dinosaur here; mine is a T-Rex because cliches are there for a reason} literally eating Mike Krzyzewski because it didn't enjoy being scolded by Coach K for winning in front of him.

There was a column there Bomani retweeted. It was about Coach K going after then Oregon Ducks talent Dillon Brooks following an NCAA Tournament game. It's since been lost to the great Internet void thanks to the website I wrote it for being sold off for scraps. I only bring it up because that's the foundation for the T-Rex eating Coach K over a scolding joke, and there's really no other context for it.

Wait. What's that, reader? What is happening here, you would like to know?

Did I just do that to not so humble flex about Bomani Jones once saying I wrote something decently well enough? You bet. It was the only time; though that's one more time than most. In fact, I'm shocked at myself that the tweet has yet to be printed by me, or put on a t-shirt or made into a trophy.

Another aside: For me, despite pretending otherwise, validation through others' approval is important to me. I understand it shouldn't, at least not to a high degree, but it does. Bomani Jones disagreeing with my opinion, yet still not murdering me on Twitter for it was a legitimate career highlight. Again, I realize it shouldn't be. But this isn't about being a “Bomani fanboy” as much as it is someone in your field you respect showing some of your work a bit in return. I likely used to search for validation through begging-like tweets. No longer. Instead of that, I stare at the Internet, hoping someone I respect says something nice about me or my work. It's a horrible way to go about life.

Why is this piece all over the place? You were warned in the first episode of the new season of Column of Enchantment.

At this stage in my social media career, most of my good faith conversations happen in private messages. Moons ago, however, it felt different. I could “at” somebody higher up the media industry ladder and receive an earnest response. As time has gone on, it's changed. Everyone's defenses are so way up we presume the worst with every message falling in our mentions.

I'm as guilty of this as anyone. Whenever someone messages me with even only the slightest hint of nefarious origins, my initial reaction is to go bonkers. Honestly, there's a level of shame I carry due to this, especially after championing myself — to myself — as someone who would be as open as possible to whoever read or listened to my work.

Hell, and I fall into the most entitled category. Sometimes, whenever someone quits social media because of bed bugs, I wonder if we (me/they/us white males) have any idea just how bad everyone else who isn't a white male has it on social media.

I've failed. After one piece written written in March, when someone quoted bible scripture to infer hell was my final destination, I deleted my mention section from Tweetdeck and removed Twitter from my phone completely. Both are back… for now.

Also, I need to figure out a way to put a HUGE disclaimer in these Column of Enchantment posts. Yes. Sure. I fully realize the appeal of these will be insanely small, but instead of explaining the concept over and over again for new readers or someone clicking out of general curiosity, there needs to be a way to let readers be fully aware that I am ALSO aware these are stream of conscience written things without much editing or objectively neat writing. Bluntly put: They are poor if not brutally written. A glorified diary.

Maybe I'll lift from the first episode and create a banner I could just drop in each post…

Oh? Yeah. This makes sense.

Another AMA!

RECOMMENDED (Article Continues Below)

Joseph Nardone ·

Galen Donnelly ·

Galen Donnelly ·

This is a tremendous question. We're sticking with the FBI theme here, too.

However, I will not answer JT's question. Instead, I want to talk about JT a little.

I do not ‘know know' JT. Maybe around a year or so ago, he popped in my direct messages (yes, I'm an idiot who leaves them open to the general public), and unlike the guy who claimed I was going to hell, JT turned out to be a good faith conversation guy.

It's not my place to disclose everything I know about JT to the general public. After all, he simply saw my tweet for questions, asked one, and is likely hoping for an earnest answer. That's not going to happen.

Rather, JT should be a person used as an example of being solid people in the cool ways lost to most in the social media era. He and I quite often disagree on whatever the take it is I brought to Twitter via a column or poorly worded tweet, but instead of yelling at me without any acknowledgement that I'm also a person, we usually have our best conversations in the direct message section of Twitter.

‘Tis where the coolest of cool kids hang out, for your information.

We can also have polite conversations in the public forum, but that tends to open up the floodgates for others to chime in with very strong opinions against/on whatever it is that I — or JT — produced, all while not actually reading any of it.

It’s a Column Of Enchantment, which is college basketball… kinda.

–

Joseph Nardone has covered college basketball for nearly a decade at various outlets. He is responsible for the debacle this is Column Of Enchantment. You can follow him on Twitter @JosephNardone.

Also, be sure to follow the ClutchPoints NCAA Facebook page for more great college basketball, recruiting, original analysis and whatever other kinds of discussion. We’re also on Twitter over here. Give us a follow.

You can also follow the official college hoops podcast for ClutchPoints, Cutting The Net, over on SoundCloud here.