The Poop stain. The Wheelchair. And The Truth? Move over Flu Game. Here’s the Poo Game.
Paul Pierce, the Celtics’ No. 1 guy of the previous generation, became everyone else’s No. 2 skidmark following his remarks in the 2019 Finals.
For those unaware, Pierce has come under unique criticism since 2008.
Paul Pierce Poop?
In Game 1 of the NBA Finals that year, Pierce infamously left the court as if he were shot by a sniper, carried off the hardwood by teammates before being wheelchaired to the back. He held his knee as if it were torn, with most assuming, at least at the time, he was done for the series… if not longer.
He left the game at 6:49…and came back at 5:04. 105 seconds. That’s all it took.
He returned through the tunnel as if he were the Ultimate Warrior in the early 1990s, finishing the game without showing any sign of true injuries.
People fell on each side of the hyperbolic fence when it came to The Truth’s exit. Boston fans considered it heroic, courageous and another memorable Boston moment of a guy who played through pain – adding to the lore of Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling and his bloody sock.
For the entire world outside Beantown, Pierce was a phony, a fake, a fraud – he hoodwinked, bamboozled, and led astray unknowing fans.
And the fans immediately knew, spreading one of the most obscure yet hilarious conspiracy theories in NBA history: that Pierce faked the injury to cover him shitting his pants.
Just four days after the incident, a video titled “Paul Poo Pierce” was uploaded to Youtube. It zooms in on the back of his shorts to show a dark spot, allegedly of fecal nature.
For reference (24 to 27 second mark):
This may be a load of crap, but it followed Pierce for the next 11 years. As his basketball body decomposed with the Los Angeles Clippers, and his ESPN career took off, a new truth emerged from Paul Pierce.
He was a hot-take artist. Following in the footsteps of Scottie Pippen (CLIP OF SCOTTIE SAYING SOMETHING STUPID), Pierce keeps no inventory of his outrageous takes. It makes for solid content, as he consistently blurts out the most outlandish nonsense, tragically making his legacy on the court more forgettable.
Nevertheless, Pierce nearly shifted the entire 2019 NBA Finals narrative to his poop story. Prior to the Raptors beating the Warriors, Michelle Beadle made a harmless joke about Pierce’s infamous moment 11 years ago, then poop hit the fan…
Just hours prior, Amin Elhassan went on the Dan Le Babatard show to “report” (heavy emphasis on report, because it was a joke) that something was missing from the original Paul Pierce-wheelchair episode.
Maybe this forced Pierce’s hand into telling the truth hours later on TV.
Maybe, Paul Pierce was sick of being called soft for the last 11 years, and instead opted for the more relatable option of being a dude who had the runs.
Unfortunately, Pierce quickly walked it back. He went on the mean streets of social media to claim he was only joking about the bubble-guts.
— Paul Pierce (@paulpierce34) June 6, 2019
What a load of doo-doo.
Anywho, conspiracy theorists will suggest Pierce was testing the dirty waters when making his supposed joke on TV. Then, when he saw the reaction on Twitter, he backtracked. Still, the Paul Pierce wheelchair poop game of doom (patent pending?) remains a hot topic.
Better to be soft than to be a grown man who pooped himself… I guess?
Time will go on. Better players than Paul Pierce will trot about NBA Hardwoods, superstars will win titles, and more interesting narratives than an adult being a drama queen will be had.
Still, thanks to Pierce’s inability to keep from creating storylines around his own career, the remainder of his time in the spotlight will be spent with two different versions of one incredible story.
Sadly, we’re unlikely to ever know Paul Pierce’s real Truth. But we do know that this is one of the most hilarious moments in sports of all-time.