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When Nicole Kidman won the Oscar in 2003, the actress had a rough time with her divorce from Tom Cruise.
She won the award for her role as Virginia Woolf in The Hours. But, though it was a monumental moment, Kidman was “struggling,” PEOPLE reports.
Nicole Kidman admits to going through a rough time at Oscars
It was during this time that, after 11 years of marriage, the couple finalized their divorce.
The actress discussed how she handled it.
“I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,” she said. “That's what happens, right?”
She mentioned this to Dave Karger for his new book, 50 Oscar Nights, which will be on sale on January 23.
Recalling the night, she shed details on her experience.
“I'm not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You've got to go. You've got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award,'” she reminisced. “I said, ‘That just feels like gloating, and it doesn't feel humble.' Like, what? You can't walk through carrying the award! That feels really inappropriate. They're like, ‘That's what you do.'”
She ended up doing what she didn't want.
Kidman said, “So I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn't enjoy it. I was almost apologetic, which is so stupid. I wish I could have enjoyed it more.”
Afterward, she said, “I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel. I sat on the floor of the hotel, eating French fries and a burger with my family, and went to bed. That's when it hit me. I went, I need to find my love; I need a love in my life. Because this is supposed to be when you go, ‘This is ours.'”
Nicole Kidman married Keith Urban in 2006. They've been together for 17 years.
