Chaos and anarchy are all around us. Protests, asteroids falling toward Earth, the world literally burning around us, and Drew Brees for some reason talking about the American flag for no real reason at all… life is just grand. However, none of the debauchery can stop the greatness that is the Milwaukee Bucks.
Despite over 1,000 new Covid-19 cases reported in Florida, owners approved a plan to return to action, allowing 22 teams to lollygag to Disney World to finish out the regular season, partaking in some NBA Playoffs shenanigans shortly thereafter. Presumably, you know, we’re just going to pretend there wasn’t the surge of new cases after Florida opened up a few weeks back.
“I love this league so much,” cries an NBA Twitter user who put his thumb over his cellphone camera in an effort to be extra woke for his latest social media avatar.
What’s this post about again? Ah, that’s correct. Why a certain handsome Internet Scribbler believes the Bucks will end up winning it all to finish the most wayward season in NBA history.
It’s pretty simple. Long layoffs will help veteran players physically heal, but it’s going to take them longer to get back to tip-top condition. That’s science backed up by NASA engineer Wally McWallsters; a person who might be made up. Nonetheless, that’s now a fact per rules of this blog post. If you don’t like these bylaws, write your own blog post at this wonderful website: www.boobleepingwho.com/butidocareaboutyourwellbeing.
Anywho, later Lebron James and the Los Angeles Lakers. You would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those pesky Bucks and science nerds!
Moreover, per Newton’s third law of fake physics while staring directly at the run, stating what most go up during a pandemic must eventually go the way of the dinosaurs, small-ball tilted teams are also doomed.
I mean, that’s just facts. Fake Newton said so. Sorry Houston Rockets (and other teams not worth mentioning). Probably a worthwhile note, for the sake of clarity, fake Newton’s first name is Fig.
What about Joel Embiid and the Philadelphia 76ers? Well, here’s the deal, unless Ben Simmons decided to shoot threes (you coward) during lockdown, the City of Brotherly love is likely to face the same issues the Sixers face in each and every postseason. The opposing coach treats Ben Simmons like Tacko Fall and UCF did Tre Jones in college (dirty), with the paint getting muddied up in the process, resulting in the Philly offense becoming a shell of its former self.
Man, isn’t science and Tacko Fall grand?
We’re also not shipping up to Boston. Jaylen Brown has become one of my favorite people over the last week or so, but they’re likely to run into a serious issue. It’s really complicated, but let’s break it down using a simple math formula I learned while my kids were forced to homeschool to finish off the year, finding me learning the mystical ways of common core math.
Celtics + playoffs – Giannis % by the square root of Elon Musk = Falling short in the second round because of tomfoolery. We’d apologize to Boston fans, but the previous sentence is math — and math equals straight facts.
There’s other NBA teams (supposedly). Nevertheless, our data mining analysts and SEO experts told me you care not for takes on them.
And there you have it. The Milwaukee Bucks are going to win it all.