Someday in the not so distant future, it's not hard to imagine a high school English teacher prompting the class with a “compare and contrast” essay topic analyzing the similarities and differences between ‘The Slap‘ (the infamous Will Smith and Chris Rock Oscars incident) with ‘The New Slap' (what I'm calling the latest controversial celebrity slap incident, between Britney Spears and Victor Wembanyama's security guard in Las Vegas).

In the interest of helping these future high schoolers nail that essay topic without having to resort to the use of ChatGPT, let's break down the latest celebrity slap scandal — or… wait for it… slapandal! Anyone? Nope, never mind, doesn't quite roll off the tongue like Scandoval. Anyway, the point is that we as a culture seem to be ever increasingly infatuated with celebrity slapping incidents. I dare say they're even becoming the new local news high speed car chase. We can't look away (unless of course you're the one getting slapped).

But enough digressions — let's get jiggy with it as I hit you baby one more time with the definitive cross-analysis of #TheSlap and #TheNewSlap. The Slap, which occurred over a year ago at the 2022 Oscars, was a far more public and straightforward (and thus, more shocking) encounter. There's no controversy over whether or not a slap took place — one of the biggest movie stars on the planet clearly slapped a well-respected comedian for a poor taste joke in front of thousands of audience members and millions of viewers. The controversy surrounding that infamous palm-to-cheek contact was just what was going through Will Smith's head at the time, what accountability comedians have for jokes that cross the line, and how would we ever look at one of our formerly most beloved movie stars in the same way again.

The New Slap is steeped in controversy of another sort, though it bears some resemblances to its predecessor. This slap occurred in the still fairly public setting of a popular restaurant, Catch, at the Aria, a giant Las Vegas casino / hotel on the Strip. The slapper was the security guard for Victor Wembanyama, the 19-year-old top overall pick in the recent NBA draft. The slappee was none other than pop star and former teen superstar herself Britney Spears. And just how did it all go down? Did Britney make an ill-advised joke about Wembanyama's wife, you ask? No, Wembanyama isn't married. Was she rehearsing ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time' and the security guard got confused and thought she was giving him a directive? Wrong again. Was the security guard just really hangry? No – now stop hypothetical guessing! The incident occurred when Spears — depending on which camp you ask — either politely tapped Wembanyama on the shoulder, or grabbed his shoulder asking to take a photo with him.

Not to go on another tangent, but even if it was a shoulder grab, Wembanyama should probably start bulking up if Britney Spears is capable of causing such upper bodily discomfort from some abrupt contact.

Anyway, the security guard appears to have reflexively brushed away the hand he saw on his famous client's shoulder, which resulted in a slap-like contact with Spears' face, which startled Spears and made her nearly lose her balance as her glasses fell off (no word on whether the spectacles are the same pair she donned in her delightful How I Met Your Mother cameo as Abby the Receptionist).

According to Wembanyama and his security team, neither even realized that Spears was the one tapping him on the back until after the incident. As for how the security guard reacted, he stands by his belief that he took the action he was trained to perform if anyone makes contact with his client (Spears' security guards even admitted this was standard protocol for such an encounter in the police report). The main thing Britney had bruised here was her ego, as she felt mistreated and wanted the security guard to apologize. On Friday morning the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department reported that Victor Wembanyama's security guard would not be charged in the incident — but Spears is still demanding a public apology.

So, like I said, the New Slap is a bit more complicated, and layered. Therefore what, if any, certainties we can take away from it? First and foremost — that we live in a slaphappy culture, and it's this slaphappiness that often leads to celebrities getting slapped, or celebrities doing the slapping, or onlookers getting happy because there's a new slap to discuss! In the interest of breaking this vicious cycle, I suggest we all put a little more thought and deliberateness into our chance encounters with celebrities like Victor Wembanyama or Britney Spears, our jokes about celebrities like Will Smith, and our giddy reactions to accounts of slaps involving celebrities like Chris Rock, so that we might live in a world that's a little less slaphappy, and a little more slap-neutral. And if we can't do that, let's at the very least remember the next time two celebrities are involved in a slapping incident to hashtag it #TheSlapIII so we can all find the updates quicker on social media!