As scary as it is to think about what Tucker Carlson might sound like with even less of a filter, that's what viewers were subjected to who tuned in to the Tuesday premiere of the disgraced Fox News anchor's new show Tucker on Twitter.

The premiere episode answers the timeless question: what happens when someone already prone to conspiracy theories and racism is left with nothing but idle time on their hands (after being fired) to mull in a creepy wooden cabin? For those who answered “it surely makes him more level-headed and empathetic”… I've got some bad news.

Broadcasting from what appears to be the set of the next Saw movie, Carlson managed to jam quite a few of his signature far right fringe conspiracies and hate speech tropes into a ten minute release of what can only be described as explosive verbal diarrhea.

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Carlson first crossed barely-veiled anti-semitism off his nightly checklist by describing Ukranian President Volodymyr Zelensky as “sweaty and rat-like, a comedian turned oligarch, a persecutor of Christians, a friend of BlackRock.” Moving down the list of groups he needed to offend, Carlson also managed to squeeze in a mockingly delivered “diversity is our strength” and “trans women are women” in the same sentence — because there's nothing like killing two birds with one stone (not just an expression in Carlson's case – he undoubtedly loves animal cruelty as well).

He continued to hammer on Ukraine by asking faux-outraged questions like, “What’s happened to the hundreds of billions of US dollars we’ve sent to Ukraine? No clue.”

And then more Ukraine slams, because apparently the far right doesn't support their war for independence against Russia anymore, Carlson also brought up the recent dangerous explosion of the Kakhovka Dam, which has forced the evacuation of thousands of Ukranian citizens because of the prospect of flooding. Rather than respond with nuance and careful research on a controversial new development in the war, Carlson again turned to his own fickle brain farts: “Any fair person would conclude the Ukrainians probably blew it up.”

Later, as if remembering the iPhone he's filming with was about to run out of storage space, Carlson got out his next few conspiracies in rapid-fire succession: “Who organized those BLM [Black Lives Matter] riots three years ago? No one’s gotten to the bottom of that. What exactly happened on 9/11? Well, it’s still classified. How did Jeffrey Epstein make all that money? How did he die? How about JFK?”

Carlson did have one enlightened comment on the show: “Evil people do evil things purely for the dark joy of being evil.” Unfortunately, it was not a self-reflection; in a bit of jealous outburst, he was mocking mainstream media pundits who still have their day jobs. It's okay, Tucker, we all get a bit of FOMO sometimes.

There were also mainstream media slams for not looking more thoroughly into UFO rumors. “UFOs are actually real, and apparently so is extraterrestrial life! Now we know,” suggested Carlson. “An alien species is flying hypersonic aircraft over our cities.”

Sadly, the video was watched by 27 million people, because… of course it was. Although another nugget of wisdom espoused by Carlson in the video might offer an explanation. Full-disclosure, it's taken wildly out of context here (but that's just an homage to another classic Carlson tactic): “By this point it's possible American citizens are the least informed people in the world.” Couldn't have said it better myself, Tucker!