After months of anticipation, Austin Theory was finally afforded a chance to talk to John Cena and offer him a spot at WrestleMania 39. The trash-talking was worth it, the one-way feud would finally go both ways, and Theory would have a chance to finally become a top guy at wrestling's highest level, but would Cena accept? As it turns out, that question would be a whole lot more complicated than a simple yes or no.
“And just like them, John, I have all of the respect in the world for you,” Theory said. “Hey, hey, all of you might not know this, but I only became a WWE superstar because of you. I remember watching you on TV with my Mom, you inspired me, John, you did. The hustle, the loyalty, the respect, thank you for that.”
“Hey, no need to disrespect me because I came out here with a gift for you, John. Yeah, a gift, a gift that, you know, is from the bottom of my heart. It's a gift that's bigger than any movie role you're gonna do, it's a gift of me and you, one-on-one on the grandest stage of them all for the United States Championship: Austin Theory versus John Cena.”
Whoa, now that would be a match that, while predictable, would be interesting to see if for no other reason than it might be John Cena's final WrestleMania match. But would he accept Theory's challenge? Fortunately, fans didn't have to wait long to find out.
“No,” Cena said. “I took a second to think about it, though it over, no. I'm not interested in your gift because you haven't earned the right to give it. Nah, nah, nah, man, no, no, I've been watching you, and I've been listening to you, and I don't care. Just like every single person in here, we don't care about you. Why? We don't care about you because we don't believe you. We don't believe you because you don't believe you. You’re a generic kid out here wearing fancy sneakers and sunglasses indoors, and you’ve got nothing in here (heart). And dude, I’m not talking to you from a high place, I’ve been in your shoes before, There’s a sign out there that says, ‘Austin Theory is a John Cena wannabe,' right there. Dude, I'm your Ghost of Christmas Future, and right now, you're in that phase of ‘Ruthless Aggression,' and ruthless aggression almost got me fired.”
“What a great opportunity it was, but you could see that I didn't believe in myself, and the opportunity just wasn't enough. You have been given opportunity after opportunity after opportunity, and you don't believe in you, and you know it, and the opportunities aren't enough. You've got no heart, you've got no soul.”
“They're here tonight out of respect, because for 20 years, we've been yelling back and forth at each other and having one h*ll of a time. They're here tonight because they believe. They don't believe in you. You're a pair of trunks away from being a Jabroni.”
After being complimented by Cena for having the greatest name in WWE history because his greatness is only in “Theory,” the United States Champion attempted to punch back, but it barely connected.
“You know what? I ain't going anywhere just like that bald spot ain't going anywhere,” Theory said, to which John Cena admitted he was proud. “Proud, huh? You got a little reverse on everything, making everything so good. But you know what's funny? I look around, and I see all these shirts. In fact, I see the same shirt right here, and it says ‘Never Give Up,' but wait a second, is John Cena saying no? Is John Cena saying that he's giving up? And the hat, the hat says ‘Respect.' Where's the respect for all of them? You have a golden ticket against the greatest United States Champion at WrestleMania, and you're gonna give up? Where's the hustle? Where's the loyalty? Where's the respect, John? I mean, don't you all wanna see John Cena at WrestleMania? Well shut up, because he said ‘no.' But you know what? You know what I've realized, you being my childhood hero, all this? Boston, I want you to pay close attention to this, because they are right, and they talk a lot, but they are so right about this. You don't wanna meet your hero, because all they do when you meet them is disappoint.”
Oh snap, how would Cena respond to such a mid-burn? Well, fans didn't have to wait too long to find out.
John Cena cut Austin Theory down to size before accepting his challenge.
Cena, never one to disappoint a crowd, decided to punch back at Theory in a way the US Champ has never experienced before.
“Yes, I would so much rather be bald than have them pipe in fake crowd noise for my matches because nobody cares” Cena said. “Dude, I can go buy some topic, you still suck. You really are a dumb son of a b*tch. I didn’t say no because I gave up, I said no because you aren’t worried. Dude, you are really putting my bac against the ball but you don’t understand, if you and I have a match at WrestleMania, you lose everything, you’re done. And if we have a match at WrestleMania and you win, you lose everything. Oh no, no, you might win the day but then you’ve got to go out the Monday after all by yourself and explain. You won’t have me to lean no, it’ll just be you big man against the most harsh, vocal, ruthless, critical audience in the WWE and they will eat you alive! Because they see what I see, they see what they see, you are full of crap!”
“But you really left me with no choice because you brought them into it and now, I got to ask them to see what we’re gonna do… do you want to see Austin Theory versus John Cena at WrestleMania?”
After the crowd cheered louder and louder with each request from Cena, “The Champ” acquiesced.
“I may not care about you, but I will never give up on them,” Cena said. “Remember this moment, you just made the biggest mistake of your life. At WrestleMania for the United States Championship, it’s gonna be Austin Theory versus John Cena. I wish you luck, dude, you’re gonna need it, cause we all know you don’t have it here (taps head), and we all know you don’t have it here (taps chest), and we all know you don’t have it here (taps crotch.) You really need to work on that last bit.”
Wow, well, there you go, folks; John Cena and Austin Theory are actually wrestling a match after all. Will Theory use this opportunity to actually become a true blue WWE Superstar, instead of being positioned like a top guy even if he gets the wrong kind of boos from crowds more often than not? Fans will find out come the first weekend in April.
THE TIME HAS COME.@_Theory1 defends the #USTitle against @JohnCena at #WrestleMania! pic.twitter.com/hAntoS1Wke
— WWE WrestleMania (@WrestleMania) March 7, 2023
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