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5 most unrealistic but awesome candidates to buy Suns from disgraced owner Robert Sarver

Phoenix Suns, Suns owner, Suns sale, Robert Sarver

On September 13, 2022, an NBA independent investigation found that Phoenix Suns and Phoenix Mercury owner Robert Sarver “clearly violated workplace standards” when he repeatedly used the N-word, “engaged in instances of inequitable conduct toward female employees,” and “made many sex-related comments in the workplace.” The result was the league slapping the Suns owner with a one-year suspension and a $10 million fine. Just over a week later, reports surfaced that the disgraced owner is now preparing for a Suns sale.

Based on recent sale prices, the franchise will likely go for somewhere in the neighborhood of $1.5 billion (like the Minnesota Timberwolves 2021 sale) to $3.5 billion (just over the record $3.3 billion Joe Tsai paid for the Brooklyn Nets in 2019).

There are relatively few people on earth who either have this type of money, could borrow this type of money, or could lead a group that could pay this type of money. And chances are a rich person without a household name will be the one to step up and become the newest NBA owner.

However, there are some people with the means to win the Suns sale whose names we are familiar with. And some of these people would make incredibly fun NBA owners, even if the chances of them buying the team are slim to none.

With that in mind, here are the five most unrealistic but awesome candidates to buy the Suns from disgraced owner Robert Sarver.

5. Elon Musk

When making a list of the most awesomely ridiculous person to buy a major company in 2022, Elon Musk has to be the first name.

The man has created the world’s biggest electric car company in Tesla, is sending people to space with SpaceX, and is the person who will either save or destroy the internet (depending on your point of view) if he goes ahead with his deal to buy Twitter.

Musk seemingly has no filter or boundaries, and with $219 billion, according to Forbes, he can buy the Suns from Robert Sarver with the change he finds in his couch cushions.

And what would be more awesome than waking up one random morning to a Tweet and a Twitter poll from the new Suns owner Elon Musk that read something like, “Thinking about trading Devin Booker this am. Agree or disagree?”

4. Bill Gates 

Microsoft founder Bill Gates became a billionaire in the late 1980s, so if he wanted to buy a professional sports franchise, he likely would have already. That said, wouldn’t it be awesome if the Western Conference became the Battle of the Microsoft Billionaires?

In one corner you have Microsoft founder Gates buying the Suns from Robert Sarver. In another, you have Jody Allen, the sister of his co-founder Paul Allen, who owns the Portland Trail Blazers. And the third entrant to this battle is Los Angeles Clippers owner Steve Balmer, who became Gates’ hand-picked Microsoft CEO successor in 2000.

If this happens, the NBA should just move these three teams into their own division (the Windows 22 division?) and let them duke it out.

3. Barak Obama

Former President of the United States Barak Obama has the lowest net worth on this list at “only” $70 million. That said, he’s the former POTUS! Who wouldn’t want to go in with Obama on buying a basketball team?

The former Leader of the Free World is a huge basketball fan and famously played pickup games with his aide and former Duke basketball player Reggie Love while living in the White House.

Of course, Obama would prefer to buy his beloved Chicago Bulls, but the Suns sale is the one on the table right now. And Obama (with Love as GM) would make an awesome NBA owner.

2. The other ‘Shark Tank’ judges

Yes, these are four people, not one, but we’re counting them as one group for the purposes of this numbered list. This happens one more time below as well.

When it comes to the net worth of the judges on ABC’s hit show Shark Tank, Barbara Corcoran ($100 million net worth), Lori Greiner ($150 million), Robert Herjavec ($200 million), Daymond John ($350 million), and Kevin O’Leary ($400 million) don’t even add up to Mark Cuban’s $4.5 billion.

If the Shark Tank judges teamed up to form a group to buy the Suns, though, they could make it happen and then own a team to hilariously challenge (and frustrate) Cuban and his Dallas Mavericks like they do on the show as Western Conference rivals.

1. Chris Paul, Devin Booker, and Deandre Ayton 

For a while now, there have been rumors of LeBron James wanting to own an NBA team someday. One scenario floated is that he could buy a Las Vegas expansion franchise in the next few years and finish his career as the sport’s first player/owner.

What if his banana boat buddy Chris Paul beats him to the punch?

Between Paul, Devin Booker, and Deandre Ayton, the three highest-paid Suns are making $93.1 million in the 2022-23 season. When Paul’s current contract ends, his career earnings will be $419.9 million alone. When you combine Paul, Booker, and Ayton’s career earnings with their current guaranteed contracts, you get $983.3 million, and the two younger stars still have plenty of earning power left in their careers.

This is plenty of net worth to lead a group that would buy the team from Robert Sarver, and what would be more awesome than a group of employees and Black men buying the team from an owner who is selling after years of abusing employees and Black people?