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Following the heavily-publicized report from Bloomberg News on Wednesday that Target is weighing starting a paid membership service along the lines of its chief rival's Amazon Prime, the question begs to be asked… is a Target streaming service on the way?
According to the article, Target is considering unveiling a membership service to compete with Amazon Prime and Walmart+, but just what that membership might entail remains a mystery. Perhaps it would just include a grocery delivery component like Amazon, or the super creepy Walmart+ version where you let someone from Walmart into your house to put the groceries directly into your fridge (but how could Walmart possibly know where I like to store my ketchup?!)
Regardless, it stands to reason that such a membership could conceivably even include Target's own prestige streaming service to compete with the likes of Amazon Prime Video. This possibility is too titillating to not imagine what original TV and movie offerings from a hypothetical Target streaming service might look like, so let's get right to it.
A natural starting point would be a blockbuster family feature starring the Target mascot, Bullseye the Dog. Might I suggest, “Behind the Bark-gains: The Bullseye Story.”
You could also have a true crime docu-series involving atrocities committed by customers in Target stores rushing to get to the best sale items as the stores open on Black Friday.
Or how about a Christopher Nolan-esque mind-bending mystery about how to return something in-store that you originally bought online with a Target Circle coupon without nonsensically still being charged the shipping cost?
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And no streaming service is complete without a body swap film — imagine the hilarious possibilities of an employee from a City Target waking up in the body of an employee from a Target Greatland, and vice versa! Oh the culture clash!
The superhero genre clearly hasn't been beaten into the ground enough yet, so how about an origin story centered on Super Target, which would eventually give birth to an entire Target Cinematic Universe?
In all seriousness though, someone does need to get Lorne Michaels on the phone pronto to produce a Kristen Wiig-starring Target Lady movie — I'd splurge for Target+ for at least a month to watch that one.
The possibilities for a Target streaming service as part of its paid membership, like the savings, are truly endless.
