Vin Diesel recently slipped and made it appear that the finale to the Fast & Furious saga wouldn’t be a two-parter, but a trilogy. Look, I'd get it if Fast X was the second coming of The Godfather Part II — who wouldn't want to make more money off a franchise that has grossed over $6 billion during its run? — but the 10th installment in this “saga” took the cotton candy-like fluffiness of F9 and said to hell with any sort of connection between its various plot points. In the age of lifeless blockbusters, Fast X may take the cake of the biggest film to feel completely weightless. Perhaps the Universal executives were speaking in jest when they suggested that the “finale” to this franchise was a trilogy and Diesel misunderstood the assignment as he typically does in these later installments in the franchise.
Fast X review
“Yeah, I've seen Fast & Furious. I've seen the first and second.”
How adorable. If only it was that simple.
The above quote was the response given when I asked a good friend one of the most important questions in life: Have you watched the Fast & Furious movies? With the right blend of confidence and an eyebrow raised that suggested she was questioning why I'd even ask such a question, I realized that this person had not seen anything from Fast Five, meaning that she has completely missed out on the wild turn this franchise has taken.
It's well-documented that the Fast & Furious franchise has evolved from its humble beginnings as street racers flipping DVD players into superhero movies sans the spandex. To be fair, it has mostly worked out. You still get your obligatory racing sequence in most films, but every race is then topped by four giant set pieces with sweaty men exuding the bravado that gym rats only dream of. Of course, the franchise never completely abandons its roots and will always return back to the Toretto household for a barbeque and Coronas.
But for those who are unfamiliar with the Fast & Furious lore, Fast X has got your back. Aimes (Alan Ritchson) is the new leader of Mr. Nobody's (Kurt Russell) agency and has a vendetta against Dom (Diesel) and his crew. Anyways, Aimes exposition dumps to Tess (Brie Larson), Mr. Nobody's daughter, and recaps all of the previous films and their action set pieces. “If they defied gravity, they've done it twice,” he said with delivery just short of winking at the camera a la Deadpool — honestly, Ryan Reynolds showing up is one of the last things yet to be checked off in this franchise — and being fully aware of how the required suspension of disbelief with these films has increased with every installment.
Fast X begins by taking us back to the genesis of this turn: Fast Five. Remember that disposable crime boss that Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) takes care of at the end of the film? It's okay, I don't either. What's important to know is that that's the father of Jason Momoa's character, meaning that the first 10 minutes of Fast X are spent showing reshot sequences from the safe sequence in the fifth film. It's clunky to begin, but only made worse by some of the “twists” toward the end.
Speaking of Momoa, he first introduces himself as the “man with no name” — a subtle reference to Little Nobody actor Scott Eastwood’s legendary father — but we soon learn that he does, in fact, have a name: Dante. He's out for blood against Dom and his entire crew and promises to make him suffer by repeatedly setting him up to appear as though he committed heinous acts. The story itself is about as riveting (and bareboned) as that sentence made it sound, perhaps explaining the reason writers Dan Mazeau and Justin Lin (who ultimately backed out of directing the film) felt the need to cram in as many action scenes as humanely possible in this 141-minute runtime to avoid boring the audience.
The action in Fast X does have the capability of being fun, but more often than not it's a headache to look at. In the film's first act set piece, Dom and the crew all attempt to stop a bomb from hitting St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican, but they do so by hitting it around like a soccer ball. If that sounds stupid, just wait until you see how Dom stops it. I mean, to be fair, I did enjoy the magnetic cars in F9 for as silly as that was, but Fast X's action is like sensory overload in the worst way possible. I have called films “mind-numbing” before, but that's usually said facetiously. In the case of Fast X, I actually felt like I had lost brain cells due to the chaotic nature of every action scene. There's only one that relatively stands out, but more on that later.
While the dialogue of the Fast & Furious films has never been its strong suit, Fast X's script is oftentimes unintentionally funny. There's a difference between being cheeky and outright corny. Dom spends his first scene in the film giving his young child Brian (Leo Abelo Perry) driving lessons and spitting truth through aphorisms and metaphors like “feel the car” and “just have faith.” The poor kid will forever be remembered, at least in my mind, for the times he had to say “I have faith in you” to his on-screen father.
To be clear, the rest of the cast isn't given much better material to work with. Roman (Tyrese Gibson) and Tej (Ludacris) are delegated to bickering like an old couple. They already do that in the other films, but it's taken to a new extreme and, apparently, we couldn't think of anything else to do with them. At one point, Roman actually steps up to the plate and provides funds for the group. However, he pesters Tej to keep the receipts for everything he spends money on down to vending machines. The bit wasn't funny the first time, and it rivals the Tinder bit that this film fixates on for one too many jokes.
Vin Diesel, at this point, seems pretty okay with the fact that he's acting in a far different film than anybody else — something he's attuned to doing. You've got to give him credit for being himself, but it's hard not to crack a smile when he grumbles his way through a line — one that you can actually understand — with a twinkle in his eye that screams “This is my Oscar clip.” I love Vin, but he appears to be confusing Fast & Furious for Pride & Prejudice.
Jason Momoa wasn't much better (though he is probably the best, or at least most bearable part of this film), though I can only imagine that Diesel pointed him toward Gary Oldman in Léon the Professional and Heath Ledger's Joker when he was making Dante his own. Look, Momoa is having a blast, so no hate on him, but seeing people tout this performance as great makes me wonder how much we've lowered the bar. Confusing flamboyance and a good performance is a dangerous game, just as we saw with Chukwudi Iwuji's performance as the High Evolutionary in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, though that seemed like he was going for the big '90s Pacino performance. It's not to say that Momoa's performance doesn't ever work — the “no, you hang up” comment did make me chuckle — but he seemed to go to the Vin Diesel school of acting for this role and matched every growl that Diesel lets out with a huff and puff of his own.
It's all made worse by the fact that there's no balance in this story. The overarching plot is Dante and his revenge plan, but the team is split into four or five groups — Dom is in Brazil; Tej, Roman, Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel), and Han (Sung Kang) are on the run from Rome to London; Tess is breaking Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) out of prison (?); and Jakob (John Cena), who was the antagonist of F9 and the brother of Dom and Mia (Jordana Brewster), is transporting Dom's kid to him. Fun fact: Cena delivers more Attitude Adjustments in Fast X than he has in his past two WWE matches. Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) is also back in the fold for a grand 10 minutes (which may be the best 10 minutes in this film).
Still, no story is given enough time to breathe — nor do any of the side quests actually matter. It's like a cross between one of Staham's B-movies a la Transporter 2 or Crank — Fast X director Louis Leterrier actually directed the former, which makes a lot of sense — and Infinity War. There are numerous storylines yet none of them even feel relatively connected. It's as if Mazeau and Lin were actually interested in fleshing out the side characters but were told that Diesel still needed to be the driving force of Fast X. Which, sure, Dom is, but at the same point, does that mean you have to sacrifice the other characters having anything to do? They all eventually get to the same destination, but everything they did was inconsequential like Finn's trip to Canto Bight in The Last Jedi.
To be clear, I’m not advocating for taking realism into account with the Fast & Furious franchise — after all, Rodriguez took Ronda Rousey to the limit in a fistfight in one of these flicks — but at some point, it’s a testament to the perception that the writers and filmmakers have in their audience with a film as illogical as Fast X. Again, I’ll excuse the backing out a plane onto a highway, but after Brie Larson’s character says that Letty is in a prison secluded where no one can find it, she’s next shown moseying on into the joint like she owns it. Maybe she meant it's impenetrable to anyone that's a part of La Familia, but I’m not going to give them that much credit.
Oh, and Charlize Theron is back as Cipher. She shows up early on to warn Dom about the looming threat of Dante — to which Dom responds with “I have a thousand reasons to want to kill you” and slams the walls with a grunt only Bloodshot's meat locker scene rivals (and one that inadvertently creates more sexual tension than any of Diesel and Rodriguez's scenes). Once again, Diesel is in a far different film than Theron, who just appears to be there for the ride. At least unlike F9, you know Theron had to show up for work since she's not locked away in a prison cell or in an aircraft and actually shares scenes with actors. Get your bag — Larson clearly did the same thing — but it's a wonder how this character has continued to limp along for three installments. Theron does, however, get to put her Atomic Blonde training into use in a fight sequence with Rodriguez. I remember Rodriguez saying they shot this sequence without a director, which says all you need to know about the film.
Now, some credit to Louis Leterrier is deserved. He did, after all, swoop in and save the day after Lin departed the project. Even still, this film has a $340 million budget and you do not feel it. Sure, some cars explode, but so many action scenes feel like they were shot on a soundstage that you can't help but wonder where that money went. We can rule out sound mixing as only half of Vin Diesel's dialogue is audible.
Should you see Fast X?
As someone who actually enjoyed F9 even for as stupid as it is, Fast X somehow takes multiple steps backward. It's not that you go in expecting the clarity of a Mission: Impossible film (those films are convoluted but at least you can follow their story), but the story of Fast X is so unclear for a film that assumes its viewer is the lowest common denominator. If the rumors of this being the first of a three-part finale, I'm unsure how you can make two more films out of this story. One more makes sense — especially given the fact that the clunky cliffhanger of Fast X makes it seems like they ran out of budget (or ideas) to finish it — but you're really tapping into the reserves.
Grade: C-
Fast X will be released on May 19.
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